Vancouver To The Rescue

After receiving accolades from the medical community for Vancouver’s Needle Exchange Program and Clean Crack Pipe program in an effort to stem the flow of disease created by these dirty devices, Vancouver Mayor Gregory Robertson today announced the creation of the Clean Penis Program.

” Listen, we all know that is not very hygienic to expose Vancouver’s prostitutes to the diseases that can be transferred from a dirty penis. We definitely do not want to run the risk of prostitutes injecting themselves with a penis that may have already been used by another prostitute earlier in the day without proper cleaning methods in place.”

” By having taxpayer funded penis cleaning stations we can insure before use that each penis is cleaned to high medical standards and  can be used for whatever purpose while keeping the prostitute safe from any disease.

” Our goal here is simple”

“Myself and all Vancouverites want Vancouver to be a place where you can commit crimes and felonies and not have to worry about getting sick doing it”